To make matters worse, the wedding planner had gone all-out in the decoration department with an excessive display of flowers, tropical fruit and driftwood. Then there was the time that I arrived to conduct a ceremony on a headland at the start of an electrical storm. Well, I have never moved so fast as I repositioned fifty chairs in ten seconds flat – a ninja in florals! Finally, the groom clocked the guests’ confusion and the colour drained from his face, and he realized he had made a bit of a balls up. You see, when something is wrong at a wedding, it is presumed to be the celebrant’s fault – that’s just how it works.
Seriously, as a celebrant, you can’t upset apple carts, or even slightly distress them for that matter – but what on earth makes an apple cart so sensitive in the first place? Anyway, weird story short, the guests start arriving and looking bewildered and I pretend I’m very interested in my pen. As I looked from the groom to the chairs and back again, I was forced to delicately ask if this was actually the plan? In a nervous muddle he insisted that the bride had wanted the chairs this way… and I was like, okaaaaay. Yes, for some bizarre reason, the groom had directed the supplier to face the chairs towards a nondescript grassy hill rather than the glittering harbour. On a sparkling summer’s day I arrived at a beautiful lookout to conduct a ceremony, only to find the chairs all facing the WRONG WAY. Thankfully, one of the bridesmaids swooped in and grabbed the offending child, and the missile of embarrassment (in the form of a miniature Volkswagen beetle) dropped onto the rustic timber floor with a thud…along with my pride. Just as I was introducing the bride and groom as husband and wife, the offending miniature car made it’s way from my calf to my upper thigh! Acutely aware of the hundred or so guests in front of me, and the incredible significance of this very moment, I masked my ‘this isn’t happening’ look with a smile and kept on. It worked a treat as they played at my feet, until the three year old ring bearer decided to zoom a car up my leg, complete with enthusiastic ‘brum brum’ noises. At a wedding I conducted recently, the kids had been given Matchbox cars to keep them quiet during the ceremony. I love it when children attend weddings as it stops the occasion from being overly formal, something that irks me in the extreme.
Negative nancy debbie downer south park Patch#
Sign up here for the Alameda Patch morning e-newsletter.I have been a celebrant for six years and it has been one of the most rewarding things I have ever done in my life, but it’s also been fraught with opportunities to look like a total ditz. East Coast, here we come!ĭon't miss a day of Alameda news, opinion and events.
Then it was on to Indiana and its Amish herritage. We also visited the Willis (Sears) Tower and Herritage Square. Next it was on to Missouri and its stunning Gateway Arch, then finally up to Chicago to get some culture at the Art Instute. It was a little slice of heaven to sleep in an actual bed for an evening and to use a shower that didn't take quarters!
This week we hit Kansas, as mentioned above, and stayed with a high school friend of my husband's and his family. Luckily for us, we made it through Chicago without falling down any unmarked mines. Just like we would if we were home in Alameda. If one of us needs emergency care, we'll get it. If my wallet gets lost, we'll replace it. I calmly decide that we are still definitely going to continue on our journey, but alone, so I send Negative Nancy and Debbie Downer packing. I logically analyze my fears and resume rational thoughts. It's about here when I pull myself together.
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